Hi, Santa. It’s Ticia from People Locator Service in Lake Oswego, Oregon.

Well, I don’t need to tell you where I am. You have found me every year.

(I also know where you are, because, well, that’s my job. People think you live at the North Pole, but I think you and I both know it’s a bit closer to Key West. 🙂


So this year I thought I’d ask for something different. Don’t get me wrong – I love all the software and computer you have given me to help me find people. They work great.

But some days I miss the good ol’ P.I. days, when I was out in the field. So I thought I’d ask for some spy gear, for those times when I need to dig in a bit more on a case.

Can you bring me:

  1. A new grappling hook and some sticky-soled shoes for when I am going up the side of a building. I had to leave the hook behind last time, and my shoes feel tight. Getting older, you know..
  2. A camouflage tarp for when I am doing surveillance and need to blend in, like a pile of leaves or an ornamental bush.
  3. A pen that will send out an S.O.S, like the Bat Signal, when I am in a sticky situation. Such as being stuck on the side of a building.
  4. A curly brunette wig, an eye patch, one fake mole and a cane that doubles as a periscope.
  5. A jet pack.
  6. A flask for my special Diet Pepsi and Red Bull power drink.

I hope you and Mrs. Claus and the elves are enjoying the sun and sea. I mean, the Arctic breeze. HA HA.

Can’t wait to see you on Christmas Eve. Send me the secret signal when you approach Lake Oswego.